What Makes a Great Personal Statement? Pt. 3 of 3

This is part three of a three part series. Read part one, part two.

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We’ll continue evaluating our personal statement from last week and show you how to turn an average essay into an excellent one.

Sample Personal Statement:

The sample essay has now been revised and edited below. Our editors refine your essay so that the original voice remains and it is ready-to-submit after we return it to you. It is extremely important that your personal statement describes the same person that you convey during your interview.

A concise thesis statement is added to the sample essay in order to improve the essay’s overall organization and flow. The applicant does a nice job of addressing his changed study habits without detracting from the rest of the essay. The reasons for wanting to become a dentist are portrayed throughout the essay while the applicant sheds insight on his background and personality. Some of the original word choice and language are changed to create a more concise essay.

Revised Personal Statement: